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Napkin #34

This

As a kid we had 6 dogs... in a week. None of them even left a note.

This

I remember taking the bus my first day of school. I was so nervous, I’d never driven a stick before.

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This

My Grandfather had a saying, "Never pee in the soup unless you've made other plans for dinner." My Grandmother also had a saying, "Your Grandfather is a horrible man who pees in soup." 

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Life Mistake #40

I once fell asleep with a Snickers Bar in my mouth.

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Golden Robits

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Napkin #14

This

I've got a lot of relatives but I don't think I'm ever going to inherit a monkey. What a shitty family.

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